My 75th birthday is soon to be here and I have mixed feelings about it. I have always looked forward to my birthday. Why not. It was also a gift day and time spent with family and friends. This year I feel differently. Am I starting to think about getting old. How can that be? I have never considered myself as old, or getting older. I have always refused to think about age and acted accordingly.
This past year I have noticed that I have started to slow down, both physically and mentally. The arthritis is starting to bother me more, much more. How dare it interfere with my favourite passtime…. walking with my friend. Now it is becoming much more of an effort to get around. The feet to the hips really hurt. I wonder now how much longer I will be able to carry on with my greatest pleasure.
And then, there is the brain. This has surely slowed down considerably. I know we all forget where we “put the butter”when we can’t find it in the refrigerator, but I am not so good with names and numbers anymore, either.
I never used to think about these things but lately they are on my mind a lot.
I have started to go back to church, which gives me great comfort, especially the hymns and I love to sing the older ones, even with my off key voice.
At the moment I am not so happy with my life. What can I do to fix this. I pray that God will help me with this feeling as I know I have so much to be happy about. So much good in my life. Friends, Family.
I think the feeling I have is that I don’t feel loved, and everyone needs that feeling. I know my children love me and my grandchildren love me. How lucky can that be.
So, what is wrong with me? And how do I get over this awful feeling? God, help me.